majorgal

So, I have an offer for the school in Maryland. I loved the community when I went and interviewed and I liked the area itself very much. Aside from no easy proximity to skiing and farther from family than I would like, it is pretty darn awesome.

Interviewed yesterday at another school...one literally ten minutes from my mother in Connecticut. Interview did not go as well as the other, but it was still strong. They have one more candidate and the director asked me not to take a job until chatting with her. So, I think I am in contention.

If the CT job had housing (I REALLY hit it out of the park with the residential life director, so I have a shot), I lean to it....a bit less change for my family. But, I believe I would be happy with the MD job.

The MD offer was made via email and we have time scheduled to chat tomorrow AM to go over specifics. I want to try to put off the decision until after I know about the CT job. Help! Advice!

Bottom line? I am in a good position. Tim has given full support either way. I am proud of myself. Several years back, I set the goal of attaining a position like this, and here I am. I feel like I just played a high-stakes chess game over several years.

The crazy thing? Part of me is hesitating on saying yes. It's not the job. I think I will do well in either. It's just the change. I mean. Moving from NH, a state I LOVE to another region is huge. It is big change for my family, and, the logistics. Sweet mother of Jesus, the logistics. But, I do this. Big change comes, and I get nervous because of the change. I will get past it.....it's just BIG, you know?

The kids have helped me to be firm that I will make a change. They have really been missing me this travel season, and it is starting to rip my heart out. I need to be with them more...that is certain. These jobs will practically double my salary, keep me home 75% more, and bring me great satisfaction [I believe]. Really, it's a no-brainer to do it. But, it's a leap, and scary, at the same time.

So, yeah. Argh!!

I am so glad he was OK. Last Disney trip I witnessed a mom looking for a child who had wandered. We all frantically looked and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. All was OK after ten minutes, but the mom was so freaked, she could not stop vomiting. That fear is visceral, man.

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So, I was supposed to do interviews for Cornell all day, but they had too many volunteers and told me last night they would not need me today. To and Aidan ski on Saturdays and my sister was already set to watch Owen for the afternoon. You can see where this is going, right.

I kept the plan as is and I am enjoying a lazy afternoon. Alone.

I started off by using a Groupon at a used bookstore. Bought 'American Psycho' and 'Sarah's Key.'
Browsed at Marshalls.
Just finished a lovely lunch of salad and chili at Panera....and I snagged a comfy chair by the fire.
Going to read for a bit right here.
Then, off to browse at TJ Maxx.
May, just may, stop in at Coldstone Creamery. Maybe.
Then, who knows.

At 4:00 I have to hit the grocery store and head home, but for now? Loving the solitude.....with only the tiniest bit of guilt.

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January 1, 2011 I was feeling sad and Mopey. I was not looking forward to returning to work, I was feeling a bit trapped in my life, and even though I have wonderful family and friends, I was feeling pretty lonely. I was in a major, major funk.

Fast forward to January 1, 2012 and I feel like a new person. Obviously, to all who read my entries, I love my new job and actually look forward to going back. I feel like my career future is full of potential, and it is SO wonderful. I have truly accepted that I will not, likely, have a job that brings me monetary reward or "wow, that's cool!" points, but finally, at 38, I get and accept that what is truly important is doing something that maximizes your skills and brings you some happiness. When it comes time to advise my boys on this topic, I feel I can be truly authentic....and nit judge them for their choices.

Other than that, though, I just feel like I am in a good place in my life. I can drop a few pounds, but I am healthy. My kids drive me bonkers sometimes, but they are happy, healthy, and bright (and I THINK I am finally OK with only having two....and I know how fortunate I am to be able to make that choice.) My salary cut hurt, but it didn't impact our day-to-day living...it just means we don't splurge, and I am not even thinking about a vacation. It's been ten years and Tim and I still have never taken a honeymoon, but, well, I would rather invest any bonus money we get. And, bottom line, we are nit living paycheck-to-paycheck, not by far. We are lucky. I could certainly add to the friendships I have, but I feel far less lonely than I did last year. I reinvigorated some friendships in my life and I started some new ones. And, Tim and I are in a good place. I think us both being satisfied with work is key to that....I didn't realize how critical career satisfaction is to so many other aspects of life. We will continue to build our relationship, but I am good with where things are.

This year, instead of bring wistful about what my life is not, I am content with what it is, and I know I have the power to make it even better.

With that in mind, I am nit making resolutions, but I do have some goals in mind for 2012. I want to read more and plug in less. I want to continue to build my professional network to facilitate the next job search. I want to continue to nurture the friendships in my life and I will host at least one social gathering at our house each month. I need that. I have been doing well with eating well and feeling fitter, and I want to continue that. If I can drop another size this year, well, bonus. I want to be more patient with my kids and my husband. I want to purge much of the stuff in our house....we have too much. I want to actually complete the Frame a Day project this year.

I fi accomplish all of this, fantastic, if I don't, whatever. I just need to keep reminding myself that even small positive changes in my life can make a big difference, so I will keep working towards them.

Ok, enough rambling. I need to go play with Owen. Last night was low-key but nice. We ordered pizza and let the boys eat in the living room while we all watched part of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. We had a mini celebration of the New Year before bed- funny hats and horns,, throwing streamers, watching video of last year's ball drop, and having a ginger ale toast. After the kids went to bed, Tim and I sat by the fire with the Christmas tree lights on, and split a bottle of champagne while we talked and had some "couple time." it wasn't a bad way to celebrate. Now, Tim and Aidan are at Aidan's ski race, and Owen is watching PBS Kids while I sip coffee and type. He's still wearing his New Year crown....and he wants to wear it to the grocery store when we go. Fine by me....I just hope he doesn't expect me to wear my New Year tiara like I am now.....

OK, novel. Sorry! I truly wish nothing but the best for you in 2012. I hope that there are far more laughs than there are tears. And, when the tears come, as they inevitably do, I wish for you the comfort and support of loved ones to get you through, and the clarity with which to find some positive message within.....because even in the saddest of times, I know it is there. Happy New Year!

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